The 98th annual Academy Awards are Sunday, when Hollywood gathers to celebrate some of the year’s greatest films — and some that are maybe not conventionally “good,” but were produced by somebody rich. In honor of the occasion, I watched the Best Picture nominees and ranked them from worst to best. 

You should probably know what qualifies me to do this. Besides a financially unwise $11.99-per-month subscription to every streaming platform in existence, nothing. Nine out of my top ten favorite movies of all time star Lindsay Lohan, and the tenth — “Ocean’s Eleven” — remains one of the most egregious Oscar snubs in history.

My strongest contribution to the film industry is that I am very good at identifying actors who previously guest-starred on “Grey’s Anatomy.”

But maybe that’s exactly what makes me qualified. I’m just a regular person with opinions about movies. If the Academy Awards were democratically awarded (and I’ve been assured several times in writing that they are not), my vote would reflect the average movie-goer’s experience. And I happen to think that matters. 

 So here’s what’s worth watching.

10. Frankenstein

I want to preface this by saying that I have nothing but respect for Guillermo del Toro, and I’m very sorry for whatever it was that happened to him that made him so weird. Now that that’s out of the way: this was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

I generally don’t think book adaptations should win Oscars, mostly because the author already did most of the work. There simply isn’t enough time — even in 150 minutes — to capture everything that makes Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein” so thought-provoking.

There were two redeeming qualities. Oscar Isaac played a perfect Victor Frankenstein, and the production design was incredible.

Unfortunately the CGI looked strangely tacky. I assume the budget for this film was somewhere around $100 billion, and I do think some of that could have been spent making the monster look less like he wandered in from a PlayStation cutscene.

9. Marty Supreme

I really wanted to like this movie, but it made me feel like I was reading “The Catcher in the Rye” (and that is not a compliment).

Obviously Timothée Chalamet wants an Oscar, and although he has never asked, I do have some advice for him.

First: Timmy, you’re going to have to play more likable characters. When I watch a sports movie, I want to root for the main character. By the end of this movie, I wanted Marty Mauser to explode. 

Second: You’re going to have to beat your performance as Laurie in “Little Women,” which is a tall order in my mind. No offense to the man, but he has a face for a period drama.

I was unsurprised to learn this movie was directed by Josh Safdie, because it’s essentially “Uncut Gems” — just with ping pong instead of gambling. And I never thought I would say this, but I really wish there had been more ping pong.

8. Train Dreams, Sentimental Value, and The Secret Agent

This is a three-way tie for movies that weren’t bad, but that I didn’t particularly care about. 

My main problem with all three were the endings, which felt rushed and subdued all at the same time. I’m getting tired of movies using disappointing endings to convey some grand truth about life. I already know life is unsatisfying. I’m currently living it.

5. Sinners

From this point on, all of these movies are great. I wouldn’t be surprised or disappointed if any of them won Best Picture. Ryan Coogler’s “Sinners” is no exception. Michael B. Jordan does the twin thing almost as well as Lindsay Lohan in “The Parent Trap,” which is the highest compliment I can give.

Two scenes — the general store and the back-and-forth between the backroom and the saloon — are absolutely perfect in terms of cinematography. The acting is excellent across the board.

My only hesitation is the genre blending. This is a Western, horror movie and social commentary piece all at once, which sometimes felt like a lot. The shifts between grounded Western scenes and sudden bursts of gore were jarring.

I understand it’s a deliberate stylistic choice. It just didn’t always work for me.

4. Bugonia

First of all: Jesse Plemons (of “Grey’s Anatomy” Season 2 Episode 18 fame) absolutely should have been nominated for his performance in this movie. He made me fear every man in every Walmart across the continental United States. For that matter, Aiden Delbis could have easily gotten a supporting actor nomination too.

To me, the main message of this movie was that people with different socioeconomic backgrounds do not understand each other at all and it was conveyed beautifully. If only that lesson had some other applications outside the film industry. I have a feeling it’s something I’ll be thinking about sitting around the Thanksgiving table next year. 

The last five minutes of this movie shocked me to my core. I’m still not entirely sure whether the ending is meant to be taken literally or metaphorically, which is either brilliant or very annoying. I haven’t decided yet.

3. One Battle After Another

This is Paul Thomas Anderson’s best film (and yes, I’m including Boogie Nights). It might also be one of Leo DiCaprio’s best roles. He’s a very believable burnout. 

The first twenty minutes are extremely freaky, so maybe don’t watch it with your parents. The pacing is a little slow at first. At one point I paused the movie to process the phrase “Christmas Adventurers Club” (gross) and was shocked to discover I was only 44 minutes into a 162-minute film.

But the remaining two-thirds are compelling enough (don’t even get me started on Sean Penn’s performance) that I stopped thinking about the runtime entirely. There’s one thing this movie does better than any other on this list: the soundtrack, and I wrote that down before Steely Dan started playing.

2. F1: The Movie

Good news: if any real film critics were still reading this, they’ve probably left by now.

I was not expecting to love this movie as much as I did. I was completely locked in the entire time. This film answers important questions like “How loud can movies be?” (very loud) and “Is Brad Pitt still Brad Pitt?” (he is).

Also, Kerry Condon appears in not one but two Best Picture nominees this year, and her storyline here is significantly more compelling than the one in “Train Dreams.”

My only note: this movie absolutely should have had a killer soundtrack and somehow missed the opportunity. I would really like to know who was in the room when Rihanna’s “Shut Up and Drive” was excluded from the final cut.

1. Hamnet

I cried exactly as much as I wanted to while watching this movie, which is the highest praise I can give. Maggie O’Farrell basically read “Hamlet” and said, “Yes, but what if we made this even more devastating?”

Jessie Buckley is phenomenal. So good, in fact, that I would say Paul Mescal (who also plays a great young William Shakespeare) is more of a supporting role. Her performance is raw in a way that makes the entire film feel painfully real. 

The scenery is beautiful, the pacing is patient, and even small details — like the scratch of the pen as Shakespeare writes — truly made me feel like I was in the 16th century in a way that was uncomfortable (I love running water), but not entirely bad. I also appreciated that they managed to slip in “get thee to a nunnery,” which might be Shakespeare’s greatest roast.

Taken as a whole, this year’s Best Picture lineup was a strange mix: a few movies that tried very hard to feel important, a few that were quietly excellent, and two disgusting monster movies (Marty Mauser is absolutely a monster). In my extremely humble opinion, “Hamnet” should win. It was classical without being pretentious, and had a good story without throwing in thinly veiled life lessons.

That being said, I’m no expert. The award might swing towards Coogler or Anderson. All I know for sure is that if “Frankenstein” or “Marty Supreme” take home any awards (unless they have introduced an overhyped category that I’m not aware of), the Academy and I are going to have some real problems.